It is interesting that when you are kinder toward other people in your life, you tend to think about and treat yourself in a kinder way, too!
And the other bright side about this is that how you treat others is the way they tend to treat you in the long run.
Let’s take a look at some practical tips in your daily life:
Just be there and listen fully for a few minutes as you let someone vent
Give a genuine compliment or advice
Let someone into your lane while driving
Take a few minutes to help someone out in a practical way
Carefully listen to others
2. Compare yourself to yourself
One of the first things someone needs is to stop comparing oneself against other people. But what to do instead, since replacing a habit tends to be more successful than trying to just stop doing it? It may be more useful to compare oneself to oneself instead (eg. in various past periods to mark the evolution).
3. When you stumble, be your own best friend
Instead of beating yourself up when you fail or stumble in some way, ask yourself: How would my best friend or parent support me and help me in this situation?
Then simply do things and talk to yourself like the beloved one would do.
This simple change in perspective can help you to not fall down into a valley of depressed thoughts, but to be constructive and optimistic about what you do from here on out.
4. Leave perfectionism behind
One of the biggest reasons why we beat ourselves up so much was that we often wanted things to be perfect.
And so we keep ourselves to an inhuman standard, in school and whatever we do. A main problem with this mindset is, obviously, that we often did not do things at all because we were afraid that we could not do them perfectly. Or we feel it would be too much work and quit before we had even got started.
5. Be aware of the importance of self-esteem
Self-esteem refers to how much you value yourself and how important you think you are. It’s a measure of how you see yourself and how you feel about your life and your achievements.
Every individual needs to have self-esteem, quite simply because it affects every aspect of one’s life. Having a good self-esteem is essential, because:
It helps you feel good about yourself and everything you do
It translates into belief in yourself, giving you the courage to try new things
It allows you to respect and honour yourself, even when you make mistakes. And when you respect yourself, others will respect you too.
When you have a good self-esteem, you will know that you’re smart enough to make your own decisions.
When you honour yourself, you will make choices that nourish your mind and body.
You will value your safety, your feelings and health. Therefore, you will choose to make healthier eating choices, exercising, or taking time off to do something you like (without feeling guilty about not doing something for somebody else).
The beginning of any relationship is often accompanied by consistent and energetic behaviors. We always look our best, listen attentively and love to find new ways to surprise and delight. And then, we start to become a bit complacent. We’re not taking each other for granted, but some of us may be guilty of making assumptions and going through the motions just a bit. Here’s how to keep your relationship strong and growing based on some sound psychological and physiological studies and principles.
1. Be a friend
A recent study in Britain indicates that a feeling of well-being and friendship represent two of the strongest foundations for a successful relationship. Marriage is more than a partnership; it should also represent a genuine friendship. Show interest in your partner’s hobbies, passions and activities. Ask them for advice about real things you are feeling or wondering about. Share your day or a funny story with enthusiasm. Go out of your way to spend time with them. Everyday.
2. Say “I’m Sorry”
“I’m sorry” doesn’t have to be an apology. It can be about sharing, empathizing or simply understanding. It can also mean you are genuinely sorry, but there is statistical evidence to indicate the words “I’m sorry” deliver a significant message and emotional response. Here’s an example: Your spouse applied for a new job and didn’t get the position. Your response could be: “I’m sorry they didn’t hire you. You were so right for the job.” The big sentiment in that statement, based on studies, was the importance of preceding any statement with the simple words, “I’m sorry.” Sometimes we are sorry for something we’ve done, but here again -the words “I’m sorry” empower the statement in ways we may not fully understand or appreciate.
3. Kiss and Hug
Intimacy isn’t always about things that take place in the bedroom. Sometimes it’s as simple as a kiss and, just as importantly, a hug. Physical contact has proven to reassure us and causes a release of hormones that calm us. We’ve all seen the monkey test in high-school or college psychology. A monkey is given a choice between two surrogate mothers. One is a monkey face on a cage of chicken wire, and the other is a monkey face with a terry-cloth towel over the chicken wire. When the baby monkey was frightened it instinctively ran to the soft, terry-cloth surrogate. This is about pure animal instinct. We like hugs and the simple reassurance of warm, physical contact. A kiss helps too, but frequent hugs are always a good idea.
4. Fight Fair
In a study published in the Journal of Psychological Assessment, the inability or unwillingness of a partner to both discuss and confront significant issues in a relationship can represent a serious threat to the health of that relationship. It’s called “disengagement” and reflects one of the most troubling human emotions we can confront: Indifference. According to the study it’s important for couples in a relationship to have the difficult conversations. But fight fair. Listen for understanding and give each other the time to think about and respond to what you’re feeling. Most conflicts resulting in an argument don’t resolve themselves quickly. A cooling off period is recommended, but don’t ignore the issue. Work towards a solution and be sure that both sides give in a little to reach a compromise and heal the rift.
5. Surprise Them
When we were dating we would spontaneously show up with flowers, give a card, buy them a little present, or take them somewhere special. We all love surprises when they’re motivated by love and affection. Don’t let the surprises fade away. It doesn’t have to be expensive or complicated. Even a hand-written note or a favorite candy or snack can satisfy the surprise. It’s the thought that counts and that is probably an undercurrent for everything we’re exploring here.
6. Give them some breathing room
This may sound contrarian, but there is such a thing as too much hugging, kissing and surprising. Sometimes we just want a little room to breathe, relax, read or just go out in the garden and do our thing. Try to stay out from underfoot. It’s a bit too assumptive to say, “Absence makes the heart grow fonder” but we all like a bit of alone time now and again. Pick your spots, but respect those times when your partner just wants to do his/her thing.
7. Remember the Romance
Oh how hard we tried when we were wooing. We often tried to make the moments special, even the simplest ones. Romance dominated our thinking. Keep doing this. Make a nice dinner, dim the lights and fire up some candles. Sit on a deck and watch the sunset and tell someone how special they are. Take them to a place that has significance for both of you and spend time there again. Romance doesn’t have to be expensive or over-the-top. It can be as simple as remembering or rekindling something that was special for both of you, or something new.
8. Dress up
When we were dating and first beginning our relationship, we always looked our best. Then we got married or lived together for quite some time and decided that sweatpants and a sweat-sweat shirt were good enough. Stop that. Take the time to dress up a little just for them. It’s not about a busy day at work where you have to look good. It’s about a Saturday where you try a little harder to simply look your best. They’ll notice, so make sure they know it was for them.
9. Go for a walk and hold hands
This was so easy when you first met. But over time we tend to get practical and busy. Physical contact doesn’t have to be about kissing, hugging and other things. The simple act of holding hands can say a lot. It’s a subtle and demonstrable sign of affection and connection. Send that signal.
10. Celebrate the small stuff
We’re always so proud when we remember birthdays and anniversaries. Those are predictable events and there’s actually an expectation they will be observed. If you want to take your relationship up a notch, celebrate something simpler. Maybe it was the day you met. Possibly the day of your marriage proposal. It could be something fairly significant like a promotion or the birth of a grandchild. Try to find reasons to celebrate your life and your shared feelings beyond the obvious holidays and birthdays.
11. Upgrade yourself
When you first met you always looked really good. As you continued to meet and develop your relationship your appearance was a major priority. And then we get a bit comfortable, relaxed and just a bit complacent with each other. We’ve seen each other in the morning too many times. We’ve been together through sickness and in health. We appreciate the total acceptance of how we look on our bad days, but how often do we get a bit lazy most days. Get a haircut or new-do. Keep an eye on your personal grooming not just at work, but at home. Shave on weekends. Put on some makeup on Saturday -not a lot, but some.
12. Compliment them
Sometimes the simplest compliment can make your day. We’re all too familiar with that bathroom mirror that seems so unforgiving. We usually get through it, but our partner/friend is the one person we often rely on for feedback on simple things like, “How do I look?” “Does this fit?” And the always popular, “Does this make me look fat?” Pre-empt the question and offer the compliment and reassurance before they ask. Even if it wasn’t on their mind, they’ll feel good about the little shot-in-the-arm and give you a smile.
That little smile is what it’s all about. Sustaining a relationship is about feeding it and cultivating it. We do that through physical contact, respect, appreciation and the ever-present awareness that we are with someone that is very special to us. Never take that person for granted. Remember where you started and always try to hold on to the true love and respect you have for your partner and best friend.
To keep it mine, remember the “a.w.a.r.e.” acronym which stands for:
– A: accept the anxiety and fear; don’t try to combat it.
– W: watch the anxiety. When you notice it, watch it and scale your fear level and begin to breath and out-breath longer.
– A: act normally. Keep behaving normally as nothing different is happening. This is a way of controlling the unconscious sending it a powerful signal that the over-dramatic response is actually not needed because nothing unusual is going on. It’s only a misunderstanding.
– R: repeat the steps above in your mind
– E: expect the best. It is magnificent feeling when you realize that you much more control and power than you’ve ever imagined. Overcoming fear and anxiety will give you the spare capacity and time in life to focus on what you desire, on constructive activities, things you love or to spend more time with beloved ones.
Trace the roots of your fears and look at the pictures in your head in specific situations of fear. What are you really scared of?
Become your own observer of the complex inner world. There may be deep and forgotten causes in your causes in your childhood, events and situations you don’t even remember or they may have appeared recently. Have courage to look at the fears and accept them.
Whenever you feel fear, switch it over and start thinking about the wonderful things that surrounds you: beloved ones, your beauty, the magnificent nature, all the things around us created by humans etc. Be grateful for all the things you have. If you are afraid of public speaking, be grateful for the opportunity to communicate with so many people and that they are genuinely ready to listen to you.
If you find this tips rather difficult to apply by yourself or you usually prefer ‘teamworks’, try finding a good therapist that might by life-changing. The criteria for choosing your therapist should be more subjective. Choose the one you resonate with and feel comfortable talking everything.
5. Get control of your imagination
Fear thrives when you ensure it the proper ground, when you imagine the worst, when you are pessimistic and lack confidence. Our imagination is an exceptional tool to be able to project into the future so we can plan ahead. However, a side effect of being able to imagine possible positive futures is being able to imagine things going wrong.
Uncontrolled imagination is a nest for anxiety and fear that can spoil otherwise happy lives. Some people misuse their imagination chronically and therefore suffer much more from anxiety than those who either future-project their imaginations constructively or who don’t tend to think about the future much at all.
Anxious, chronic worriers tend to misuse their imaginations to the extent that upcoming events feel like catastrophes waiting to happen. No wonder whole lives can be blighted by fear and anxiety. Some people don’t even really know they are doing this.
6. Fear Diet
3 Foods That Take the Edge Off of Anxiety
Chocolate. Chocolate is high in chemicals such as theobromine (which has drug-like effects in large quantities), but it is also rich in other ‘feel-good’ chemicals such as tyramine and PEA. Don’t shy away from the chemicals, though – all foods have chemicals, chocolate just happens the have the best ones! Add some antioxidants and flavonals into the mix and you’ve got a wonder food.
Ginger. Drink a bit of ginger ale (be sure it uses natural flavoring) or eat a bit of ginger bread. Ginger naturally eases upset stomachs and quells nauseousness – some studies say it works better than popular medicines. How? Ginger, similar to Ibuprofen and other NSAIDs, reduces inflammation. Further, gingerol and shogaol chemicals relax the digestive system, counteracting the opposite effects of anxiety.
Bananas. So potent that some musicians eat bananas instead of taking beta-blocking medications. A number of nutrients combine to give bananas their calming effects, from magnesium to potassium to tryptophan, a precursor of the essential neurotransmitter serotonin. Eat a couple of these natural beta blockers a few hours before you need to perform and watch the fear fly far away.
Today refined sugars can be found in almost all processed food and beverages. The following foods all contain refined sugars.
Western food is highly processed with refined sugar. A major reason for the high rate of diabetes and obesity is because of excess sugar intake. Refined sugar comes from cane sugar which grows prevalently in the Caribbean.
Sugar is processed using sulfur dioxide. The bleaching process of raw sugar is known as “mill white”. The outer coating of the raw sugar is washed away leaving raw syrup. Phosphoric acid and calcium hydroxide are combined to precipitate calcium phosphate. The impurities are removed before the whitening process is filtered traditionally using bone char.
The filtering process leaves refined sugar devoid of any nutrients. Studies have shown excessive sugar intake has a detrimental effect on the brain leading to impaired cognitive function. Sugar is an empty refined starch that leaches vitamins and nutrients from the body. The process used to refine sugar is toxic to the human body and should be avoided if at all possible. Refined starches and empty calories have no business being in the human body.
2. Drink Alkaline Water
Reducing your alcohol intake is a no-brainer. Not only is alcohol bad for your liver but it changes the body’s pH level to acidic levels. The liver is the second largest organ in the body responsible for cleaning the blood. A healthy liver can break down alcohol when imbibed, however excess liver consumption will overload this vital organ. Fatty liver disease results in a buildup of fat in the liver cells. Another fatal disease is cirrhosis which can cause liver failure.
The first step in remedying liver damage is to eliminate alcohol immediately. The second step is a complete change of diet, this means drinking alkaline water and eating organic food that is not sprayed with pesticides. Reversing certain types of liver damage is possible with the aid of a healthcare or naturopathic practitioner. Choosing to shift to an alkaline diet that will not tax the liver and getting of certain pharmaceutical drugs that are toxic is also necessary.
3. Avoid or Reduce Dairy Consumption
Dairy can be found in most processed foods. For the lactose intolerant it can be difficult to avoid dairy products.
Dairy derived products
Cheese a byproduct of milk
Casein a milk phosphoprotein used as a binding agent in many processed foods
Whey found in many protein supplements
Mono diglycerides found in chocolate bars the by product of milk
Recaldent a casein derivative found in dental products
Lactose used in many processed foods
“The focus of natural health is to find the cause of disease not simply to just treat it. The body mind and soul must be treated as one. “- naturopath quote
4. Eat Organic Fruits and Vegetables
“An apple a day keeps the doctor away,” is the common phrase mentioned by great grandmothers. The antioxidants present in many fruits repair the damage to our cells. The antioxidant value of foods is expressed using the ORAC (Oxygen Radical Absorbance Capacity) value system. Old school wisdom was around long before modern medical science caught up. Antioxidants are the key to protecting our bodies from free radicals produced by the oxidation process.
Fruits have a cleansing and energizing effect on our health. Eating organic fruits and vegetables on a regular basis does the body good. Eating fruit early in the morning cleanses the body and the vegetables you eat during the day maintains your energy levels.
5. Bend That Spine
The flexibility of your spine is the key to retarding the aging process. Doing an entire series of Hatha Yoga or Ashtanga Series asanas is not necessary upon waking up in the morning. A few simple downward dogs, planks and uttanasana (standing forward bend pose) performed every morning and before going to bed will do wonders for your posture. The more flexible your spine is the better you will look and feel. Yoga and Pilates are the fountain of youth for people who don’t mind a quick workout in the mornings.
6. Go Herbal
The definition of a drug is any substance taken by the mouth, injected into the muscle, the skin or a cavity of the body to prevent a disease or condition. Drug induced liver toxicity is the leading cause of acute liver failure (ALF) according to the FDA.
Setting up a consultation with a naturopath can give you some options when it comes to reducing or eliminating certain pharmaceutical medications. A word of caution people who are currently taking medication should only see a naturopath after consulting with their healthcare practitioner first.
Just like you change the oil in your car every 3 months your body also needs to be detoxified of waste products and the pollution we face everyday. Detoxing by going on a temporary or permanent raw food diet while temporarily using certain herbs like dandelion root to cleanse the liver is just one of numerous ways people can cleanse the body.
8. Keep Your Teeth Healthy
You can keep your teeth healthy in a number of ways. The obvious one is simply brushing your teeth. But also teaching your child to floss properly is important. The time to start flossing your child’s teeth is when they first come in. Brushing alone can not remove all food particles in the mouth left over after a meal. The more teeth your child has the more crevices can be found where plaque can hide.
Getting your child acclimatized to the idea of flossing sooner than later will prevent those painful trips to the dental office for fillings. To make this laborious action fun consider the purchase of an eco-friendly dental flosser made especially for children.
After flossing is complete you can appeal to your child’s taste buds with a Listerine Smart Rinse mouthwash. Kid’s Listerine mouthwash comes in berry and bubblegum flavours, providing up to 12 hours of dental protection. Remember keeping a dental health routine fun will pay off in dividends for your child’s future dental health.